Trucks. Trails. Mountains. Beer. Rock and Roll.

Hello boys and girls!

Today we're going to talk about some tools! Has anyone gone into their toolboxes and kicked themselves because they don't have the right tool for the job? When this happens, which it always does, you either take your greasy ass down to Sears, or get on you knees at your neighbors front door! This month I'm going clue all of you slack-jaws in on which tools to get your grubby meat hooks on. And speaking of meat hooks, gentlemen, CLEAN THOSE FINGERNAILS!

I'm going to make two lists. For those of you that don't know how to spell, that's 2. One list is for your bare essentials; a "don't even think about going on a trip without them" list. The other is a more advanced list; a "what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing" list

Bare Essentials

Everyone's toolbox should contain:

• Combination wrenches. 3/8-1" They don't call it a box end for nothin'.
• A ratchet wrench with your specific plug size socket. This is for those idiots who drive too fast through water and subsequently hydrolock their motors.
• A good screwdriver set. By "good" I mean drivers who's tips won't break off or become worn within 1.5 uses.
• A hammer. If nothing else, you can beat your truck if you can't fix it.
• An adjustable wrench (Crecent wrench). Fellas, chicks dig these.
• A pliers set. A regular set, a small and large channel lock set, and a needle nose.
• A flashlight. When something breaks, it always seems to happen in the dark.
• Jumper Cables. Whenever that hot woman from work needs a jump, you won't be S.O.L.
• A high lift jack and a lug wrench. Always be on the lookout for tire trouble.

I know what you guys are saying at home, "dude, like, the tool guy forgot a bunch of stuff." People, these are the bare essentials so you hopefully limp your sorry ass home. With these tools, you should be able to take almost anything on your truck apart. I'm not talking about adjusting valve springs or pulling main bearings here. Usually if those things occur, in a bad enough way, you're getting towed back to town anyway. I know most of you have a socket set. If you do have one, take it with you. Once again, these are the bare essentials.

For the More Mechanically Minded

Other cool things to have in your toolbox are:

• Socket sets. 1/4,3/8,&1/2" drives. 3/4" drive would institute the B.F.W. rule.
• Torque wrench. 1/2" drive is definitely preferable. Plus, saying "torque spec" is pretty sweet.
• Spindle nut socket. Huh?
• Magnet and mirror on a stick. For those hard to reach places.
• Pickle fork. There aren't any pickles on cars, silly.
• Nut drivers. Just kidding!
• Big pry bar. 'Nuf said.
• Shorty combo wrenches. Very handy in tight places, and no, I'm not talking about your girlfriend.
• Tube bender. Geez, you guys really need to get laid!
• Brake spoon. If you've ever worked on drum brakes you know what I mean.

There are tons of tools out there to have. There are also some pretty rediculous ones as well. Next month I will cover probably the ten crappiest tools ever invented! I'm sure some of you dorks own a few of these. Let the Webmaster know if there are any questions or topics you would like to cover. Until next time, keep on wrenchin'!

J. TOOL
Sevenmile.net Head Tool Advisor and Beer Taster.